Gazing into my own eyes (thank you iphone 4s) I see dark circles. I have been getting good sleep but you wouldn’t know it, by the looks of me. I just knelt to the porcelain God and offered my dinner in exchange for some relief. Do you ever have one of those moments? Not like an “AH, HA” moment, no, it resonates much deeper, like to your soul. The feeling is almost despair, or guilt and you say ”I can’t do this anymore”. Well, that was me….about two hours ago and I felt the need to share.
I feel awful. Right now, at this very moment as I type in my jammies curled up on my girlfriends couch in Queens, NY, I am in pain. But I am blessed. Abundance is all around and I am grateful, dare I say, FULL of joy, happiness and excitement. So what gives? What’s the problem? Well, if you care to read on feel free:
A little over a month ago I started to have reactions to, well…I am not sure. Whatever I was eating or drinking wasn’t sitting right and that was the first time I puked. The week previous to this first instance I had a molar extracted and was on painkillers. Naturally I thought the nausea may be a side effect of the medication I was prescribed. Well, here we are over a month later and I just had the worst puke session so far. If you are feeling a little bad for me now, don’t.
This, ladies and gentleman, is the moment I FINALLY make the commitment to my body to make it a priority over ALL things. Why? Because I need it and it is no longer settling for a homemade, organic smoothie from time to time, it is making serious demands. Like many of you I am (at least at times) very health conscious, lost a ton of weight a few years ago, am fairly active and LOVE yoga. Also, like most of you, I have a barrage of excuses that I keep using to avoid making the commitment to myself. A few examples:
- I would love to eat organic but it’s so expensive I simply can’t afford it.
- I don’t have the willpower
- I don’t have the time
- I don’t have the necessary tools (in my case….a place I actually live to stock up supplies)
- It is just too hard
- I will as soon as things slow down
- Why bother, I am just going to FAIL.
I have said all of these things to myself in one way or another but I no longer have a choice. Few people know the extent of some health issues I had prior to losing the 40 lbs I lost a few years ago. Not many saw me in that state and that was because I was depressed, and in pain. I realize even at my heaviest I wasn’t too far from average but my body could care less about average. My body was hating me. If you want more details, please ask, but they aren’t important, what is important is my commitment now.
Sure, gazing at the scale I would like to be down 10 lbs and fit better in my clothes but that is of little importance now. Tomorrow I am starting a green smoothy cleanse for 1 week….7 days. You are cordially invited if you care to join me and if you could careless, that’s cool too. Maybe you will just get bored at work one day and read up because you have nothing better to do. Also…..cool.
Yes….you have your opinions, yes you have your experiences, and YES I am so grateful for your support. In the past I have done many cleanses, varying lengths, varying benefits and varying results. BUT in the past I was doing it for weight loss and not listening to my body. I have seen doctors (both traditional and non-traditional) and have had blood tests before so I have a pretty good grasp on my overall health. I am NOT going into this blindly, nor should anyone try anything without first talking to their doctor. All of that being said, I am going to do a bit more preparation so I am ready to hit the store in the morning, so I say goodnight for now, sweet dreams my darling and I hope we both get something out of this.
xoxo,
Kole
Tags: #livemusic, austin, cleanse, green smoothie, health, kolemusic, musician, texas
